Find it here.
Our story sucks, but it is no where near as bad as other families have it. It was very hard to learn our daughter had a heart defect and live it with it. Luckily for us, it was a defect that could be fixed with one surgery. So, I had to find ways to be OK. Because no matter how many surgeries your child has- even one is bad. So, please, as you read this, know I am not comparing my journey to any others and I am sharing our CHD journey. Know that I am aware others have it worse and I feel for them. But, for us, it sucked too.
To pick up from my last CHD post...
We lived normally and visits to the cardiologists continued and even went well. When we got to skip a year- that was AWESOME! So, we went back in August 2013. All looked well- her check up and EKG. The doctor decided to do an Echo. We joked on the way to the room, we would miss seeing him- but not really. We walk in to room, get her settled and they start. We're talking with him, he's watching and suddenly he says "Go back, did you see that?" Talking to the ultrasound tech. My heart sank, lump in my throat. The room tunneled. What was happening? It wasn't sounding good. My husband and I just looked at each other. We had discussed surgeries in the past. I knew there were other options than Open Heart Surgery (OHS). BUt we were good- it had to be something else, surgery was not needed- right?
So, he continues- our conversations stop- felt like forever. He says she has an ASD that needs to be repaired. "OK. So, how do we do that?" Surgery was his answer and I was like OK. He said we needed to call insurance and set a date that would work. He told us- I am sure- I don't remember exactly- it was going to be an OHS. I remember the nurse taking Livy out of the room so we could ask questions, cry and get 'counselled.' It was awful. Terrible. I mean, we were doing good. We skipped a year. It was great and then, like a gut punch, our world turned upside down. And insurance?! I didn't even think about it. We have to pay for this. What will it cost? Shit, she needs surgery...OHS. WTF. It was terrible. Ugh, even thinking about it now sucks.
I don't remember exactly how everything went down- it was so surreal. I know I called the Dr. a lot and took notes and goggled. I will never forget when I realized they were going to cut into her breastbone. I know it sounds stupid- duh... but you aren't always thinking clearly. I remember, I was laying in my room calling the doctor- taking notes. And I was inquiring about the incisions that can be made under the breast hoping this could be possible for her. And I said, "How are you going to fix her heart?" He replies, "They would open her up." And I asked, " How will you get to heart?" "He said, "What do you mean?" And I totally questioned my knowledge of the human anatomy and said "Her heart is behind her ribs, how will you get to it?" And THAT was when I heard those words... they were cutting her sternum. Cutting it open. Her perfect little body was going to be cut open- open. I cried and cried and cried some more. So many things go through your mind. It was crazy. She a Sinus Venosis as well as as Ostium Secundum.
After awhile, we found out who our surgeon was Dr. Michel Ilbawi. This man is nothing short than Amazing. When we met with him, he was so kind. Of course before hand I had researched and researched him. I logged on to Babycenter to see if anyone had used him before- they had he was amazing for them too. I found he had lead a team of doctors in this Documentary Hearts of Hope. SO, when we met him he was just perfect. He was going to fix my Livy and he did.
We scheduled surgery with Nurse Natalie. LOVE her too. April, 23, 2013. Months and months to live with and carry this information. So scared of what could happen. I had to find a way to cope. I did, many, many ways...Look for my next CHD posts which will include ways I helped myself, my family and my daughter (who knew nothing of the surgery) continue on, knowing 4/23/13 was coming. Slowly. Too slowly. I was like life stopped on that day. We looked forward to nothing, nothing past THAT DAY.
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Kellyxxoo
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